Ten Things I’d love to see Happen at this year’s Academy Awards

With the 82nd Annual Academy Awards less than a week away, I’ve been thinking about to expect: a lavish opening musical number, witty banter between the show’s two co-hosts, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, overlong acceptance speeches interrupted by orchestra music, among things. Here are some moments I’m hoping for at this year’s Academy Awards:

1) After accepting the first award of the night for Avatar, James Cameron moves to the side of the stage, and tells the presenters for the next movie “I’ll just wait here.”

2) While presenting the award for “Best Editing,” Megan Fox blames the failure of Jennifer’s Body on screenwriter Diablo Cody and Director Karyn Kusama, and then literally tries to stick her foot in her mouth.

3) The Coen Brothers, accepting the “Best Original Screenplay” award for A Serious Man, thank the Academy for not confusing their film with A Single Man, I Love You, Man, or any other movie with “man” in the title.

4) Kodak Theatre security surrounds Kanye West in the event Mo’Nique doesn’t win for Precious.

5) Vince Vaughn becomes the first winner in the Academy’s newest category, “Best Actor Playing Himself,” for Couples Retreat.

6) Kristen Stewart wins the award for “Best Angsty Glare.”

7) After presenting the award for “Best Actress,” Morgan Freeman proceeds to narrate the remainder of the show.

8) Mel Gibson approaches the stage to accept the “Best Actor” award for Edge of Darkness, only to be told that it was neither released in 2009 nor was he even nominated. Upon being escorted off the stage, Gibson shoots a dirty look at the Coen Brothers.

9) The Academy pulls District 9 from the consideration upon learning it was a science-fiction movie everyone has seen and actually liked.

10) After Kathryn Bigelow accepts the Best Picture Award for The Hurt Locker, she jokingly quips “I’m queen of the world,” then awkwardly looks at James Cameron, “at least I used to be.”

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